Hard Times Connector

Two-and-a-half hours into my ride yesterday, it was time to pack it in and point my bike homeward.

So I decided to cut through the Arboretum and take Hard Times Connector to the road that leads toward said home. Where beer was waiting.

Barb the builder

Deckadence

Your wife built a deck by herself last week, right?

No?

Oh. I guess your wife sucks. At least when compared to mine.

Mountain time, island time

Patience, my pet, patience...

Welcome to Asheville. Please don't move here.

I love living in Asheville, but I'm scared this place is going to become the next Austin. When 20,000 people move to your city every month, things can get messed up in a hurry.

Especially if you built your city in a desert. I'm sorry Austin, I want to love you.

But I digress. Because I love Asheville, which, you know, isn't in the desert. It's in the mountains, though it sometimes feels a lot like the islands.

For example, on Thursday, I made my third attempt to obtain a North Carolina drivers license. And once again, it ended in failure. I'll back up so you can enjoy the fun.

• Attempt #1: I didn't have proof of insurance
• Attempt #2: I needed documentation to prove what my middle name is
• Attempt #3: "It's now five o'clock. Only two employees will be left to serve you."

When they made that announcement, I waited for 15 minutes to see how slow things were actually going to become. Answer: Pretty fucking slow. Like, you-should-go-home slow.

So, I decided to go back on Friday. You know, for the fourth time. Which isn't really a big deal, because the DMV is less than a mile from my house.

"Hi," I said. "Can you take me off the list?"

"Are you sure you want to do that?" said the DMV employee.

"Are you trying to tell me something?" I said, trying to be cute and funny.

At this point, the DMV employee just stared at me. Since I'm trained in the art of sales, I knew the first person to talk would lose this little game.

I waited five seconds.

"Please take me off the list."

At that point, I should have followed up with a more direct question, but I thought we were being all clandestine and stuff like that. Like spies, or something. You know, winky-winky stuff.

She just stared at me. We were not playing winky-winky.

The moral of the story is this: Asheville is a lot like an island. Sometimes, things move slow. And the more you try to speed things up, the slower they get.

So when life slows down, go with it. Jump on your mountain bike, ride some trails, and then go back and try again the next day. Like I did Friday at the DMV.

It works a lot better that way. License, obtained. Though they won't mail it for another three weeks.

Not that I'm counting.