The magic number is: 18

Honey, ready to roll

My wife is pretty smart. Just ask her.

With less than three weeks to go, she's decided we should start prepping the cats to drive from Chicago to Asheville. Because what's more fun than driving 650 miles with two sensitive dogs and three completely insane cats?

Nothing.

To help ease everyone into it, Barb pulled out the cat transportation modules (CTMs) and put cat beds in them. Honey's been all over it.

Sugar (foreground) likes to sleep in another carrier that faces this one, but in this shot, she's content to just hang near her sister.

Prediction

I think the drive - all two days of it - will go perftectltly.

Of course, it can always turn into cat hell in an instant, but that's when we're going to really count on the dogs to settle things down.

Beer/Cow Fart City, USA

Yeasty the cow

I don't even live there yet, but every day I fall more and more in love with Asheville.

Yeast + stuff = beer

Where else but Beer City, USA would a former biochemist be inspired to make brownies with spent brewer's yeast?

Here's the gist. No matter how eco-friendly they intend to be, locally breweries ultimately create waste. In fact, Highland Brewing Co. already creates 200 tons of spent yeast per year, but when New Belgium's brewery is up and running, it will add 2,000 annually, according to the citizen-times.

You can't just dump all that yeast down the drain. And if you feed it to cows - like you can with brewer's grain - well, you could blow up the world.

Yeast + cows = gas

As the aforementioned biochemist, Robert "Rusty" Bryant say, "Yeast is 80 percent alive and creates gas in cows."

Can't have that. Seriously.

Then comes one of the best statements I've read in print for quite some time:

"An environmentally friendly brewery trying to dispose of its byproducts isn't interested in having cows rip a hole in the ozone layer with methane emissions as a result."

Can you believe that? God, I love Asheville. I'm reading online, but that's the local newspaper talking about cow farts ripping holes in the ozone layers y'all!

I can't wait to get to Asheville.

Seriously.

Weather

Asheville weather bump!

Wow. Take a look at that!

The disparity the week before was even more dramatic, as the weather was extremely shitty in Chicago. Single-digit-temperature shitty.

But that's living in the past.

Looking forward, Cricket and Lula (our dogs) are very excited to ditch their winter booties and run around in a back yard that doesn't have any:

• Salt
• Slush
• Taste of frozen death upon it

Asheville research trip #2: Making important contacts

Sam "The Original Gentleman Hillbilly" and my wife Barb

Ah, July in the mountains.

The lush trees. The roaring rivers. The warm breeze blowing through your beard and across your mipples.

While it's easy to make fun of Sam and his man-boobs, he's actually a wonderful guy. His wife is wonderful too. (She digs me.)

This was my second trip to Asheville; Barb's first. We spent three days in nearby Black Mountain with her family, then headed into Asheville for a short 30 hours.

My Chere no more...

There, we hooked up with our friend Matt, who's lived in Asheville for more than a decade. As we walked around town listening to music during the now-defunct Bele Chere music festival, Matt realized he hadn't left Asheville in quite some time.

"Where would I travel?" he asked. "Within 15 minutes, I can hike in the mountains, swim in rivers with waterfalls, and bike all over the place."

Now all he needs is a bike.

But the point was well made. Asheville has everything people who enjoy the outdoors could possibly want. Plus a healthy dash of city life.

And, as Matt likes to say, winters go by "like that."

(Finger snap.)

So fast, you'll have your shirt off in no time.

Research trip: Austin

Thirstexas

I love Austin, Texas. I could definitely live there.

Our dogs would melt, which would totally suck and make me an animal killer, but I would be so warm.

I could wear shorts and t-shirts all year long, because I would be so warm.

Sure, it would be my fault that my entire little family would die, but I would be warm. All the time.

Getting out of bed? Warm. Stepping out of the shower? Warm. Walking around the house naked with a bottle of tequila, screaming about the state of the world? W. A. R. M.

Death dampens the day

Unfortunately, the death of my family would be a buzzkill. I'd probably never sleep again. Because it would be my fault that I used my supreme powers of persuasion to talk everyone into moving to a crazy-ass state where:

• It's over 100-degrees Fahrenheit half the year
• There's no water
• It's Texas

So not only would I be an animal killer - and a selfish dick - I'd also be responsible for depriving my dwindling family of precious resources. On purpose.

Kind of like moving to Vegas. But with more prostitution, y'all!

Hi, please don't move here

Don't get me wrong, I love Austin. Some day, I'll post a more positive story to prove it. But until then, I agree with the natives who think that 3,000 people moving there every month is unsustainable.

That's why they say, "Welcome to Austin, please don't move here."

Do you love Austin? Do you want to move there? I want to hear about it!