5 pictures: Asheville keepin' it weird

Fly your freak flag high, baby

I took a spin on my bike as the sun was going down and snapped a few pics of the weirdness that makes me feel right at home.

Don't worry, there's a lot more out there.

Wait. Slow down. 

And... we're lost again.

These folks just moved in. I can't wait until they get everything out of boxes.

Find the live kitty!

Maybe

Wait. Slow down.

We're lost.
Again.

The second first step

The Witty Subtitles

Asheville sits in a big bowl at 2,300 feet, surrounded by mountains, lush forests, and rivers.

But who knew it also has a great cultural scene? I mean, not counting the nine million or so people who visited last year.

With tons of music, restaurants, and local breweries (the height of culture), the only thing Asheville's missing is... a great comedy club.

Maybe that's where I come in. I'm not sure.

A few years ago, when I was having a very difficult time sleeping, I would lie in bed wondering if I missed being on stage or not. For more than a decade, I'd been pretty gosh darn dedicated to improvisation. I'd napped in the basement of the Annoyance Theatre, studied/argued with legends, and sprinted from show to show to show on Friday and Saturday nights. Those were some of the best moments of my life.

But as quickly as the magic appeared, it disappeared.

Gone.

For the last six years or so, the itch has returned. It's not the all-consuming desire it used to be, but I definitely feel the drive returning. Especially every time I ride my bike past this little gem of a building that's practically begging to become a comedy club.

And it's only a 10 or 15 minute walk to downtown!

Doesn't even need to be painted

So yesterday, I checked my ego and walked up the street. My long road back began in a church at noon in Asheville.

I improvised with six other people, a few who were doing so for the second or third time.

My favorite person is Irene, a 70ish transplant from New Jersey. She's pretty funny, but when she threw herself on the floor, none of us thought we'd be able to put Humpty back together again. To everyone's amazement, she popped right back up.

Kind of.

So I'll let Irene be my inspiration. Doesn't matter how old you are or how much experience you have, just throw yourself out there and see what happens.

Or, simply take that first step. Again.

***

In other news
I'm a little miffed. I went trail riding again at Bent Creek yesterday and when I returned home, I realized  I had the perfect component to make the PolPro work. (Deleted expletive)!

Doesn't care. Next weekend, you'll get to see the finest downhill dippity-do's this side of the ol' Miss. I swear.

The grow tower is a go!

Going green

This is the second season with our wonderful grow tower. 2013 was experimental, to say the least.

I hope the gargantuan cucumbers that came late in the season and strangled everything weren't some sort of mutation caused by all the construction dust, but they were tasty regardless.

Yeah, I killed a bunch of shit. But remember, you're dealing with the guy who lost five giant tomato plants when Chicago wind storms caused them to plummet four stories and explode all over the alley.

So let's look forward to 2014, shall we?

Because it's going to be a banner season for the grow tower, as we're already up and running by March 19th! Not only that, but it's on casters now, so we can adjust to the sun or move it into the basement during inclement weather.

That's right, inclement.

This year we've got kale, red lettuce, spinach, cilantro, mint, and whatever else my wife says is in there. I'll update you tomorrow, I promise.

Meanwhile...

Crickey-Mo flying after his blue ball

while Lula scrounges

Beer of the month or: BOMAKE

Leaked photo of possible BOMAKE HQ

Today, I made a huge decision. Today, I formed a secret society.

The Benevolent Order of the Madeline Avenue Knight Elx.

It's something I've been thinking about for the past 150 years. What better time to finally make that decision than while drinking the March Foothills IPA of the month?

So far, BOMAKE only has one member. But the organization is the darling of the internet. And it has a shitload of room for growth in the northwest corner of my basement here in West Asheville.

Check out the BOMAKE membership perks:

• A mountain bike without rear brakes
• An awesome mountain bike*
• A monthly beer of the month, enjoyed on a monthly basis

Send us a message via the darkweb if you're interested in joining BOMAKE.

* Only for use by the Head Elk.

Raised beds: Before

Dirtbag, meet sh*tbag.

You guys will get along nicely.

We found out why everyone does raised beds around here. Moles.

Ever seen a mole? Me neither.

But judging by how interested he is in their holes, I'm guessing our dog Cricket wants to meet one in a big way.

Holy moley

Aaand... we're done!

Except for, you know, all the plants and stuff. That's the next round.

54

Tune in next week to find out if I've gone all Carl from Caddyshack. 

This could get interesting.

More Asa artwork

#2 in the series

No elbows, no thumbs, an alien neck and a heart that hovers outside your body above your left hand. 

Not a good way to go through life.

I decided it was time to respond. However, I'm waiting for my wife's go-ahead.

A Dr. Skapien original

Maracas!

Maracas!

How awesome is our neighborhood? Our four-year-old neighbor dropped by the other day and gave us this.

Although I'm not sure why I'm in the cross-hairs. Good to know I should watch my back in the hood.

A few days later, while I was working in the yard, he brought his invisible dog over to meet Cricket and Lula. It was on the end of a long rope, so I really don't think I need to worry about this kid setting any kind of tricky traps for me.

Sure, he just graduated from white-yellow to yellow belt in some form of martial arts, but when Barb asked him to show us a move, he bowed and hopped in the air.

Again, nothing to worry about.

Maracas!

The PolPro is dead, long live the PolPr...

It was a really beautiful day today, so I rode back to Bent Creek and hit the trails again.

I found a series of downhill dips that was so awesome, I had to strap the PolPro (Polish GoPro) onto the front of my backpack so I could share my ride with the world.

Or the three people who read this blog. But in theory, the whole world.

As you can see, the PolPro still isn't quite ready for the market. Just as things were getting interesting, the PolPro came loose, bounced off my handlebars, and shot into the mud on the side of the trail.

Coming back up the trail a few minutes later, I started thinking the PolPro was gone. For good.

Then I thought, "Why don't I just call it?"

Then I remembered the PolPro was my only phone. And it actually belongs to my employer.

Luckily, I found it. It was less than a foot from a giant puddle.

Awesome.

How was your day?

GET ON YOUR BIKES AND RIDE!!!

Getting Bent

Fine, it's Bent Creek Experimental Forest, not Bent Creek National Forest. Same same.

Also, I'm aware that my Polish Go-Pro needs a little work on image stabilization. And I know there's no ending to this fine film, as I had to trim it to fit.

But help me remember, how much does your subscription to this blog cost?

I love you too.

Asheville Sandwich Company

AVLSCO in the house!

My wife Barb and I have lived in Asheville for seven weeks now and the entire time, I've been waiting for Asheville Sandwich Company to open. That day is upon us, my friends.

Over the last 45 years, I've eaten quite a bit of food. I believe that makes me an expert. And the conclusion I've reached is that the sandwich is the perfect meal. Bread, meat, veggies -- what else do you need?

Last night I had the grilled chicken caesar salad sandwich (GCCSS). Delicious!

Score: 9 out of 10

Those who know me well are aware that I don't give sandwiches a 9 out of 10 if I don't mean it.

That's right, a 9. Talk to the Russian judge if you have any issues with the scoring.

Beer

No word yet on how long it will take AVLSCO to get its liquor license.

Just kidding! Shout out to my friends in the Chi y'all, where obtaining -- we all know what that mean$ -- a liquor license can take years.

What an awesome addition to West Asheville. I'll be heading back soon!

794 Haywood, yo

More Asheville beer, kind of

Chicks dig me

Sure, Bill Murray got there a long, long time ago, but Ms. February obviously likes me.

A lot.

Notes for Mom
That was a joke. Click the link above.

Nope. That's your email.

Click the words underneath the picture. Those words are a hyperlink. Hyper...

Forget it. I love you. Just call me.

Brewtopia
Enough family issues. Let's get to the beer, shall we?

Because I don't know if you're aware of this or not, but Asheville was voted Beer City USA not just in 2009, but also in 2010. And 2011!

Three-Pete*!

In 2012, we shared the honor with Grand Rapids.

Whatever. I suppose we have to give them something to live for. After all, they live in Michigan.

Five annual beer festivals or five feet of snow? You make the call.

As a huge IPA fan -- some might say aficionado -- I dig this Foothills Brewing IPA right back. It's not exactly local, but it's a beer brewed right here in wonderful Winston Salem, NC, so that's good enough for me.

Look for more local brew reviews coming soon!

* Feel free to copyright this if your name is Pete and you've done something semi-impressive anywhere between two and four times.